Convictions of the Heart

"Are you DONE YET?"


That is a question I get asked weekly.  If I have all of my kids out in public together, I might get asked that question 2-3 times in just one day. People are curious about big families. We can't fault their curiosities. Unlike a century ago, big families are no longer the norm. There are plenty of theories as to why but I think the two of the biggest reasons are the womens movement and the invention of birth control. Another big thing we see today is society no longer views babies and children as blessings, rather, as burdens. 


"The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing; but in our culture, we apply for a curse and reject blessings. Something is wrong with this picture." ~ Doug Phillips


Truer words cannot be said. 


When I was a child, I was fascinated by large families and the logistics of how they worked. It sure seemed like they were happier and things moved at a slower pace. There was no constant get up and go. The web of relationships that exists in a larger family is much more complex, enabling opportunities for children and parents to hold close relationships with one another. I have found now having my own family that these things are true.

A few years before I married, I strengthened my walk with Christ and read this passage: 


Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth.Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them. They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies at the gate. -Psalm 127 3-5


God spoke to my heart on this and I was convicted to not use birth control in my marriage. The term 'Quiverful' has thus sprung up from families who leave their fertility up to God. The negative connotations that are  connected with this term are so frustrating that I rarely use the term when speaking of our convictions. People hear "Quiverful' and immediately envision a house full of dirty children running amuck and uneducated parents. I've also seen women on sites like Cafemom, describe quiverful families as "scary cult-ish religious nuts." 


In reality, our priorities have merely shifted from what society says is 'success.' 

We aren't a "simple people"- we choose to LIVE SIMPLY.

I have struggled over the years to loosen my grasp on worldly things. I wanted my kids to "have what other kids have-" and this has led to evidence of spoiling. Most of the expensive toys I bought my kids for Christmas just 6 short months ago, they barely ever play with. But I wanted them to have them so that I could show the world that "Hey- just because I have 8 kids doesn't mean they can't get the "cool gifts." Well. I proved that point, but did so foolishly. It's funny how you give a kid poles and a sheet and they can build a fort in the backyard that they want to play in all day. If you hand them a tablet to play on, over an hour or two of play they'll be bored. We are slowly reversing back to simpler living without giving up ALL modern conveniences. I'm trying to undo the damage thats been done over the past couple of years by my own hands- I'm trying to "unspoil" my kids. Evidence of entitlement has popped up so much lately that I am sad for my older girls who feel genuine disappointment when I deny them a previous convenience. 


Look around you. Look at the state of our society. People are mean. People are selfish. People are vengeful and hateful. Parents are lazy- LAZY! We have kids who act like spoiled little brats and why? Because they are! (I know, I've seen it in my very own house!) 

I want to be the change I want to see in the world.... and I want my children to be that too. I want my children to be raised virtuous and kind- not entitled and spoiled. 

We can't have it all- and neither can you. I think that's part of chasing the American Dream for some. We want to "have it all-" and unless you have a ton of money, it's just not possible. (And that is most of us.) Right now, I recognize that I cannot have a great big new house full of shiny new appliances and modern day conveniences AND a shiny expensive brand new car, expensive new name brand clothes for everyone AND go on vacations AND put my kids in expensive sports AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I don't want that. With that big new shiny house comes a great big scary house payment. With that shiny new car  comes a great big car payment. Expensive new name brand clothes for my kids to get muddy and stained? (Why!?) Go on expensive vacations every year so my kids are raised with the expectation that they should do the same? (no way.) Putting my kids in expensive sports every season so that  we have no family time together? Not interested.


Most of us do want these things and I'm not saying that we shouldn't strive for better for our lives. BUT I challenge you to question yourselves why you want for the things you want. There is no right or wrong answer here. Just think about it. I'm not saying you shouldn't try for more, but don't expect to have it all without working really hard for it. This is a lesson that Clay and I struggle with. 


Anyway- so to answer the question, "Are we done yet?" I guess we are leaving that up to Lord to decide when our quiver is full. 

~The House on Kercher Street~